You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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