after a month anything with tits is on the radar
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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