Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
