she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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