got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
