I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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