It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
