I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
