Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
