it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
