I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
