I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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