are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
