Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
