since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
