There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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