I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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