The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
