I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
