??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
