Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
