How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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