i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
