my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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