I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
bring money and cleavage
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
