u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
