What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
