I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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