I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
