My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
