He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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