I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
