i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
