I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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