Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
