dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
