I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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