Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
