Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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