I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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