pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
