I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
