I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
