It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
