my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
