i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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