i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
