My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
