we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
