dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
