this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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