WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
