Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
they're like a gay fantastic four
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
