We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
